Ben and I went to Hawaii from February 7th through February 15th with an overnight flight to return on the 16th. It was refreshing. However, since returning I have been in a funk. More on that, later. Our trip was fantastic. Time spent together was mostly wonderful (aside from a few heated arguments about which street to turn on after walking for what seemed like an eternity-"TURN LEFT ON WARD!!! MY phone is right!") We needed this time together. If anything, just to recoup, relax and refresh! We had some lovely beach time. The warm sun on your back when it's cold back home is very healing! I will never tire of Waikiki Beach or the sunsets there. I will never tire of teriyaki chicken and kalua pork nachos and the Island Catch at the Sandbar Grill-EVER! I will never tire of "Aloha" and "Mahalo" or "Hang Loose". When we first got there, we were afraid we wouldn't find enough to do and agreed that this may be our last trip to Oahu and that we need to explore other islands. My opinion has changed. The island of Oahu has so much to offer. It has everything that Hawaii has to offer! It has lush, green mountains (HUGE, SPECTACULAR MOUNTAINS!!), beautiful valleys, beautiful beaches with clear, gorgeous blue waters. Some of the beaches are very crowded, others have only a few people. The north shore is dotted with villages of locals, Honolulu is a very large city. You can find any kind of food you want, but one of my personal faves is the farmers markets. Fresh, local foods for cheap! Fried bananas and taro-YUM!! Shrimp, grilled corn, meat skewers, fresh coconut water. All of it is so good!! We ate cheap. We didn't do any paid activities. We did a few long hikes up a mountain, on a dirt road to the North point (kaena point) where we now know, had we walked just a little farther, we would have seen mongoose and monk seals and whales. Darnit! I guess we have to go again! ;) We will go again. We have more exploring to do there. Oh, I could just go on and on about Oahu, Hawaii and the ALOHA!! We love it and I plan to spend much more time there in my Golden Years. I'd love to live there but with our jobs and lives here, it just doesn't seem possible. This leads me to that funk I mentioned.
The funk. Ugh...boy, has it been ugly. I feel like life here is a vicious cycle. Tired of my job. Tired of the broken record our lives have become. Go to work, come home, bust our butts at home, cook (when we have time, which, sadly hasn't been much lately), clean, laundry, BED. Get up, REPEAT. The cold doesn't help, either. Coming from the warmth and relaxation that Hawaii has to offer, to BITTER COLD and snow is no picnic in the park and I'm frankly tired of it. I'm burnt out beyond belief. I know I should be more grateful for what we DO have, but right now I'm struggling with what we DON'T have. What we DON'T have is more money to travel. These trips really do break the bank. We save as much as we can to go on them once every two years. We forego date nights and shopping trips, going out to eat and fancy things to take these trips. We save skymiles, too. I just wish we had more time and opportunity. Opportunity...
Part of this funk is that I've come to the realization that I am not marketable. I have no special talents. I have no trade. I work at Mayo, doing something I just happened upon in 2000. I'm doing work comp claims. The only part I love about my job is the numbers part. I love payroll and calculating, comparing, etc. For years, I have been wondering what I'm good at. What do I love to do (besides payroll and numbers)? I don't even know )-: I have never found anything I'm really good at. I can make good soup when I feel like it. I can be a good Mom when I am having a good day, and even when I'm not. I give good cuddles. I am a reliable worker, but I just don't love what I do and I feel it's time for a change. What do I do with that? Go back to school? For WHAT?! Of course, I want to make more money, BUT, I do NOT want to work harder! I don't want to take anymore time away from my family, either. So, school would take time away. Part of me wishes I could just be SATISFIED with how life is. CONFUSION!
Change of subject. Brody boy had an x-ray in December that showed no tumor (THANK GOD) but it did show (subjectively, I am told) that he had "demineralization in the bones throughout his right hand". I asked his ortho surgeon about this and she referred us to Pediatric Endocrinology to check for a bone mineral disorder. He had a bone density scan and labs. The labs all seem to be coming back fairly normal and the bone scan from what I can tell from the radiology report is normal for his age. That is a good thing. I haven't officially heard back from the doctor, but I think things are fine. I need to stop worrying about him. I'm always afraid something big is going to be found. I'm always thinking "When's the next big thing with him?" I need to stop that. It's not good for anyone. The bone demineralization must just be in the hand because he had the bone tumor surgery in that wrist and long term immobilization. I'll leave it at that. No more worrying!
Other than that, things are fine. We are all truckin' along in life. The broken record life! Ugh...I need a hobby, or an activity. I also need more time to do all of the things I want to do. I just have to figure out what it is that I want to do! Somebody slap me. Oh! But after you do that, can you help me figure out what I should do with this next chapter I want to start!? I'm.bored.beyond.belief! How could I be bored with all of the kids and their activities and running and housework?! Well, I am. I need some excitement. I need a dream. I need a change!
A few pictures of our trip. I want so badly to go back and share this island with my kiddos, too!
